Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
