this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
