we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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