If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
