I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize