I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
