I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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