This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
