i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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