Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
