I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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