I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
