I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
