I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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