i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
