Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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