i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
