cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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