yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
