Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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