A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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