Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Porn is love you can see.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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