Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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