So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
