NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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