Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
