Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
