i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hippo gnu deer
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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