My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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