I'm eating all of the evidence.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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