If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
