The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
