apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
