D3 body, D1 cock
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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