I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
