Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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