Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
