I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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