Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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