I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
