I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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