Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
