Tell her she can't have a vagina
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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