I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
