HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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