why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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