you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
