I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
