Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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