Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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