Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
