i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
