similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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