His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
