I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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